Cursed Casanova.
It may just be her username, but it fits her
all too well. Another "catch" with her, I'm afraid.
Now don't get me wrong, she's still fucking amazing.
Literally. There's nothing I would change about her.
Not even the fact that she likes Paramore & Lady Gaga xD
Okay, serious again. So the ladies.. They kinda.. well..
They fucking all love her. And I know if we got together, she'd
be faithful and things. And I'd trust her coz I already do. No
one would cry about someone they DON'T care about when--
yea.. just I want to erase that whole entire night.

I told her I didn't believe her completely when she told me she loves me.
She was really hurt. I believe her more, but.. I can't/won't.. some divine
intervention is going on because I just can't let go of my heart entirely
to her. It's still attached and she's just like "Um.. you can let go now.."
I want to be with her a whole fucking lot. I want a job. I want to save for school.
I want to travel. I want to love my life.

I had a homework project when I was still in DACCO and I had to write out my
goals. 2 months, 1 year and 5 years from now. She told me she wanted to be
apart of my goals. I put her in there, but I don't know if she really wanted to be
[like IRL] or she just wanted to be cute. There have been times that she'd tell
me that she'd come to the States, look me up and if I had a gf at the time, she'd
tell her to "fuck off" & that I was hers. Sweet right? Lol I don't know. I wanna believe it.

She's leaving for Missouri in like 15 days or something.. She won't be online, she won't
talk to me much at all.. I'm going to lose my fucking mind if I don't find something
[like a JOB!] to distract me. & then at the same time I'll be making money.. so I'll
get the ball rolling on my life, you know? Ahh.. fucking love and shit like that...

What's funny about the last time I updated is.. I started talking to this girl.
She's amazing in just about every fucking way possible. There's always a catch to that
though. And in this case.. there are a few..
One; she has a girlfriend.. who wants to marry her. She doesn't know if she's ready
for that. But she doesn't want to leave her.
Two; she lives.. in fucking England.

Skype & MSN for hours. Without even realizing it. She'd go to sleep at 6 or 7 in the morning.
Just to stay up and talk to me.. And see me.. Fucking creeper. [insider]
I never meant to fall for her. I just wanted someone to talk to. She made me feel happy.
She called me beautiful and .. before I fucking knew it.. she was on my mind all the time.
Yea, she sounds like a rebound right? Now why in the fuck would I try to rebound with
someone across the motherfucking Atlantic Ocean? Like there aren't any lesbians in Tampa
I can do that shit with.. She told me when we first started talking; she wanted to cheer me
up and keep me happy until Amanda took me back. Her intentions were good. But she said
she started to really like me and things changed.. July rolled around.. and she got jealous of
a friend of mine.. I was on TinyChat and talking on the phone to her and I was gettng these
PMs that I didn't notice.. and she dropped it.. "I'm just jealous because.. I love you"

I'm the other woman. I'm Plan B [even though she says I'm not] I shouldn't get so hung up on
being sad.. I'm already a fucking homewrecker [just about].. I'm already doing well if I got her
to talk to me like how she does*.. I just want to be hers.. and she's told me she wants to be mine.
I just.. need to.. lay back.. and let whatever the fuck fate wants.. happen.



This is what I read yesterday.. and made me realize.. goddamn.
Just gotta stfu & stay in my ho place.. ._.
*Females Who Are The "Other One"
& Get Mad Everytime They Bxtch W/ They Gf Are Dumb Afff ! What Are Yuu Mad
FOR? FOR 1 Yu The "Other1" NOT "#1" & 4 Twoo You Basically Already Winninqq
Bc They Cheatn On THEM 2/ YUU ; SOOO JUST STFU & STAY IN A HOES PLACEE!

She's online. I know she can see I'm online. And I'm dying to talk to her.
Just a little light conversation.. I mean.. Why not..? She's commented other
people, I'm sure she's talking to people, too.. But why not me..?

My fortune cookie said "don't panic." Pretty sure that's some damn good advice
for today. I wanna see her, I want to hang out.. I want to talk to her, goddammit.


And today I have a fucking meeting. Fucking grrreeeeeeeat.

It's crazy how someone talking to you can change your whole mindset.
Once again, she's pushing me away from her. I'm fucking losing it.
I don't know what she wants, she probably doesn't know what she
wants and I'm going to fucking lose my cool and just do the same thing
I did when we were all in this situation..
Me or her, Amanda. She'll choose Tara, because she doesn't even want me.
But, jesus christ, I swear this girl.. she's going to be the death of me.

I'm happy I heard from her, I'm just not happy with what the hell she had
to say.

ttyl? yea right.